i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
