Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I need moral support for this bender
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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