I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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