I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
