Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
