Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
