We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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