Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
time to smoke my breakfast
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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