you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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