Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
