butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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