I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
