Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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