Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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