I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
