Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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