I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
