you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
