remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
