He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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