Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
