Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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