Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
