I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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