4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
