I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
