I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
