No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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