weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
