I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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