I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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