Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
