My friends, they love my intelligence
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
