While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
