Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
