Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
