he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
