I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
