this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
