remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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