as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
