Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
