I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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