the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
