Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
