God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Your penis caused this!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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