is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
