YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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