i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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