Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
