I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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