Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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