I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
