well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
