no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
