The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"