Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You smell like stripper and shame
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
