If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
