She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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