I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
