I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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