People in love make me want to vomit
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
