Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How's work?
Spinning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
