bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
