I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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