The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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