just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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