What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
