Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
