my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
