There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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