those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
