Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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