Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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