I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
