dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
