Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Enjoy the penises
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
