i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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