so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
