Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
