you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
