Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
