It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize