It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
